Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Rosa's first draft

Tinkerbell run away from home

" What should I do?" Tinkerbell asked herself. "My mother hates me, she didn't care for me." 


Tinkerbell sang her favourite song to comfort her sadness.


" I had a dream this song to sing"
"To help me cope with anything"
"If you see the wonder of a fairytale"
"If you can see the future, even if you fail"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSWR4os7I7E




Tears dropped like heavy rain when Tinkerbell stopped singing. Her sadness sprung from the bad memories of how her mother treated her. She sat on the doorstep thinking of what else she could do to make her mother happy.  Then Tinkerbell decided that she would write a letter for her mother to tell her how much she loved her. 

These are the words in the letter she wrote!!



Dear mother,


Why are you so angry at me? 
I'm not strong enough to do stuff around the house because of my size
I'm your daughter; who loves you very much
But although you don't love me anymore, my love for you will never end
So now, mother its better for me to go away instead of staying here in the house.


I love you so much mother


Love  

Tinkerbell, your smallest daughter





A few hours later since poor little Tinkerbell left the house, the cruel mother arrived home. She opened the door and started screaming her daughter's name.



 "Tinkerbell where are you!" her angry mother started, as she stomped around the house looking for little Tinkerbell. She yelled her name again, but still there was no answer.

The mother grew more and more angry towards her daughter. She told Tinkerbell to clean the dishes, however, she failed to get the job done; claiming she was too short to reach the tap in the sink, because of her ultra-small size. But because of her mother's laziness, she kept piling the dirty dishes up on her daughter.


Bell and Edward in the forest

"Hello! hey Edward are you available at 2pm this afternoon?" Belle asked Edward on the phone. 

"Yes! Why?"

"Well I want to talk to you about something"

 "Something like what? Are you having an affair or something?"

 "Edward what the hell!"

"Relax I'm just kidding", he calmed her down

 "Yeah that's better. Be nice, otherwise I will keep my secret to myself", Bell smiles. 

"Okay Bella lets meet at 2 then."


"Sure 2 sounds fine. We can meet at our secret place."

"Okay sweetheart see you then at our usual spot". Ed responded with a cheeky smile.

 Belle hung up on the call, grabbed her school bag and made her way to her car. 

Turning on the radio to her favorite station, Micheal Jackson's song was on. She sang along aloud, smiling at the thought of how positive Ed will be and accept her big news; that she is going to travel abroad and attend another university without him. From the same time she thought to herself about how transferring to Oxford would mean living really far from Edward. Would she really cope on her own, not having him there? These thoughts circled in her mind but she knew that it had to be done. All she needed to do now was to tell him that she would take up the scholarship. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and Edward would still be there. Or would he?

Upon entering the forest, she smelled the sweet scent of Ed's usual cologne. Bell smiled because it reminds her of their strong bond.

Belle arrived and the forest was it's usual dark shades and as always, Edward was already there. She hopped out from the car, running to give Edward a huge hug. Bell's excitement for sharing the news showed through her enthusiastic expression, however, this was cut short by an unexpected loud noise which came from a nearby bush.








Tinkerbell hide in the bush

Startled by the sound, Belle stopped completely as she focused on the bush.

"Edward shhhhhhhhhh, I can hear something moving from over there".

She walked slowly towards the moving bush, but got the biggest fright from the sound that followed.

"Ouch! you kicking me", the angry voice said.

"Who said that?" a paranoid Belle asked repeatedly.


"Down here, seriously are you blind! You can't honestly tell me that you don't see me." Tinkerbell yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Oh crap, sorry."



"Stupid idiot, you'd better be or else." Tinker whispered to herself.

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

"Wow you are like so small. What's your name? More importantly, what are you doing in a place like this?"

"I could ask you the same thing." She whispered again to herself.

Belle just couldn't believe it when she saw a small tiny little girl wearing a green dress matched to the color of the bush. "What are you doing inside here little girl?" asked Belle.

"First of all I am not little girl. My name is Tinkerbell. I ran away from home, because my mother didn't love me. I want to go school but she won't let me". moaned the little girl.

The little girl stood up and tried to find something in the bush to stand on before she continued talking; also because of her small size made it hard for Belle to see where she was talking from. Now Belle could see more than just little hands moving around in the leaves.

"Luckily I didn't stand on you little girl. Are you okay?" Belle repeatedly apologised."

"No! I'm not okay. I'm freezing cold in here because I'm wet from falling into the puddle under the this strange bush", the little girl responded.

"Oh. Whoops that's my fault."

Belle who are you talking to?" Edward yelled from the other side.

"Come here Edward I want you to meet someone". replied Belle.

Edward shook his head, choosing not to move from the same spot. Bell called again urging him to meet the little girl. But instead, he scratched his head hinting at not going over at all.

Walk all the way there for a random stupid little girl? He thought to himself. All he did was moan, which Belle could understand. After all, he is never really keen on meeting strangers.


"Hey Edward, seriously you're a vampire, she is just a little girl." She shot an unimpressed look towards him.

"Umm."

"Come closer, she don't bite". Belle smiled in an attempt to persuade him.

But Edward just stared. He wasn't too happy about his secret being exposed to a stranger.

"Does she have good blood?" Edward joked.

"Stop it you're scaring her" Belle shot back.

"Don't be scared Tinkerbell, come out and meet my boyfriend Edward." Belle reassured.

Tinkerbell felt uneasy when she heard Bell's boyfriend mentioned blood. Instead she dived back into the bush in an attempt to hide from Edward. But because of a lengthy conversation whispered between her and Belle, she finally came out with a cheeky grin.

What Edward was unaware of, however, was that Belle had bigger plans for him and Tinkerbell for when she left for her student exchange to Oxford. This was the perfect opportunity for Tinkerbell to be away from her prison-like home while having fun with what Belle had in store for her.















 To be continue...................



Obviously 
 Obviously 
OOOOOohahahahahaha

OOOOOooo
OOOOOoo
Ob 


 

14 comments:

  1. This is my first draft for my fanfiction. The story is about the little girl ran away from home because of her cruel mother. She actually treated her like a slave. I'm combined the twofanfictions to make my own fanfic, which is Twilights 2 and Tinkerbell. I know the the original of these two amazing story. Please leave a comment if you can..


    to be continue...............

    ReplyDelete
  2. Try to break up the text a bit more for easy reading

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Frank, thanks for you comment, okay I will do that, I understand your point of view. Split the text can make the reader more interesting to reading the story instead of get bored..

      Cheers

      Delete
  3. Okay Frank, I will try to break it up my text, also thanks for your comment this can give some good idea of how I write a better fanfiction.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Rosa,
    Great idea to combine these two stories in a crossover. Just one thing that was a let down, your grammar. I'm not too sure if it was the way i was reading it because some sentences didn't seem a bit right grammatically.
    Good job though.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi Lia, thanks for your comment, can you explain again what do you mean some of my sentences are not in the grammatically order? I don't understand what you meant because i gave my story to a friend to check everything before I post it in. But I will copy my story at paste to Words to check them.

      Cheers

      Delete
  5. Hey Rosa,
    I'm sorry, the first time i read your story there were some sentences in the Edward and Bella section that i thought were missing words or a bit jumbled.Going over it again i can't seem to find the mistakes.
    Sorry about that i must of been over tired when i was reading it and the words jumped around the page. :)

    small errors i found (very small)

    "she heard Bell's boyfriend mentioned blood" *mention
    "To help me gobe with anything" *cope
    "About few hours later since poor little Tinkerbell left the house, the cruel mother arrived home" *not very clear on the situation? is this a few hours after Tinkerbell left the house??

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lia, thank you for pointed out some errors in my story I'm really appreciated, yeah I notices that when I went though it again. I'm sorry for my grammar and vocabulary, English is my second language and I'm trying my best to become a good writer in the future. But now I check and made some few changes to my story.

      Cheers


      smiles

      Delete
    2. ohh sorry, I didn't answer your question. well yes a few hours after tinkerbell left the house then the mother arrived home. Thanks again.....

      Delete
  6. For english being your second language you are writing really good i must say, not much to correct. I wouldn't have noticed just a few typing slip ups.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lia, you know sometimes I make mistake in my writing but I accidently post it in without checking them. But thanks for pointed out my errors in my story.

      cheers

      Delete
  7. oooh, this is an interesting story and combination. Does Tinkerbell not have wings yet?

    Yeah, apart from those few minor hiccoughs every now and then, your writing's really good.

    I want to know what happens next...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi carol, thanks for your comment. Well yes Tinkerbell have wings but thats a big secret, she didn't reveal her secret to Belle. but just wait until the end of the story. :))

      Cheers

      Delete
  8. Hi all as you can see in my final draft, my story is not really finish. I mean I put "To be continue....". However the limit of words in my story is already reach 800 words, but I will add more in my story, because there lots to tell and good thing is going to happen in the story. I'm not sure if we can add more words in the story for our final fanfiction.

    cheers and good luck all

    ReplyDelete